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05 January 2011 @ 11:19 am
Well, the last couple of days have taught me a couple of things -

1) I can't just cut down the food. Can't do it. I HAVE been smarter about it, tho - I need husband to pick up those 100 calorie packs w/the chocolate in them, for example, because I do find I need something sweet after dinner. I have cut down on portions and I've been TRYING to drink water all day long - makes me pee a lot but hey, that's what water does. I'm already feeling a little tiny insy teenie weenie bit thinner. At least, healthier.

2) I've realized that I can't just start doing 30 minutes of biking right off the bat. However, I do know it's easier when I don't look at a clock for the first few minutes then go out about another 10 minutes. It's sort of one of those existential kind of situations.

3) I can't obsess about WHAT I'm eating - but take it as a meal-by-meal, step-by-step basis. If I obsess about it, I want to eat MORE. You know? Weird thing is that I'm addicted now to watching the food shows on the Travel Channel. And throughout those shows I keep saying to myself, "I want that, but I can't have it. I want that, but I can't have it." Ironically, I think it makes the denial easier. I know, I'm a weirdo.

We'll just have to see how everything looks on Sunday morning re: my weight. :)

On another note, I've FINALLY found another job! I start that on Monday! :D I'm very excited. Mostly because it's something new, different and will earn me some money. What I'm also excited about (weirdly so) is that there are more than 50 people working at this company - so many, in fact, that the vice president of the division I'm working for (Ad Comparisons - and yes, there's a VICE PRESIDENT of the DIVISION I'm working for - OMG) didn't remember that he emailed me TWO days ago and sounded confused that I was asking what time I was supposed to start! Oh, and what the dress code is! (OMG, IT'S CASUAL.) Needless to say it was kind of an odd conversation. -.-

Either way, it gets me up and off the couch again - something which I'm VERY excited about!

Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. So far, so good, right? :)
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
02 January 2011 @ 04:43 pm
Okay, so, my starting weight is 356.8.
Heavy, but not entirely unexpected. Less than I thought, so that's a good thing.

Today's food has so far consisted of:

3/4 C of Life cereal
1 C of 1% milk split between cereal and a glass
2 poptarts
an xmas chocolate
2 large glasses of water
1 large glass of peach ice tea by Crystal Light

I have, so far today, done dishes for 45 minutes, dismantled the tree and vacuumed the living room.

Not really exercise, but more than I've done on a Sunday in a long long time.

While the pop tarts were going I a couple series of kicks/punches. I'm a fail.

However, part of this whole weight-loss thing is attempting to conquer myself. If I was going the way I had been, I'd have had a large Coke. And I really really really WANT chips and dips right now. So there ya go.

Tonight's dinner is chopped steak and veggies. Yum.

I have a Luu staring at me.

A bit about Luu - she's doing MUCH better.
My little fuzz was very sick about 2 weeks before Xmas - we had to make the decision to either treat her OR put her to sleep. The treatment wasn't a sure thing, so option 2 was, well, an option. However, she is doing very well now and I'm so very happy about that.

So, tonight, too, I'm planning on hauling the bike back out and biking. And tonight before I go to bed? Crunches and leg-lifts. Ow.

Thanks, guys. :)
Current Mood: hopefulhopeful
24 October 2010 @ 02:33 pm
In the past couple weeks, things have been definitely disappointing.

We tried to do another IUI after the series of shots to make my body produce more eggs. Once again, it was a failure.

Our doctor thinks, and we agree, that our only other option to getting pregnant is IVF. The issue is that it costs around $8,000 per try.

As you can imagine we can't try this more than once - at least at this point. Our insurance will pay for some of it, but we don't know how much (by sheer virtue of the fact that we're already past our out-of-pocket for the year and our deductible - January 1st, this will change).

To that end, even though we could probably apply for a loan for the rest, we don't really want to do that. Well, and we've already been declined for a loan (I applied for a LOT more than it turns out we needed, tho). Anyway, to that end, knowing what we know, we're going to try to raise the funds ourselves. Probably around $3,000.

To aid in this I'm reopening my Etsy shop - in the hopes that I can speed this process along. Half of the proceeds (or MORE) will go to the IVF/baby fund. I say half or more because I have to buy the materials to make the jewelry to sell....well, you catch my drift.

So if you can pass the address along to others that you know have a penchant for jewelry, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. <3!
Current Mood: worriedworried
11 June 2010 @ 09:44 pm
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4-7 sentences on your LJ along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest (unless it's too troublesome to reach and is really heavy. Then go back to step 1).
6. Tag five people pretty much everyone.

We shared much in spirit.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, amazed I still had that much control. My gaze swept past the king and lingered on the tall man standing behind John's left shoulder, in the position where death lingered
((as an aside, this author uses this phrase a LOT)). He wore light blue tonight instead of white. His silvery blond hair shown like a beacon in the torchlight.
Current Mood: boredbored
22 May 2010 @ 09:46 am
i want a "like" or "dislike" button here on LJ...cuz i don't have to fully comment on some entries and sometimes...all i have in me to reply is 'yay!'
Current Mood: awakeawake
...and really? Nothing much has changed.

Mike is still working at Key. He still sorta likes his job, tho it has changed quite a bit again from it's original intention. Something that he hates but something he continues to try to get over and do well. He has web pages that he does on the side, so that's making him a little happy. He's also still roleplaying and so forth. Good for him.

I'm still working as a repoer. Well...a 3rd party repoer. I still like it for the most part, again, it's something I do that I hate (the days are killer and usually over 8 hours - sometimes 10) but there are shining moments where I really am happy. Part of that is the people I work with - they're all really great people who truly appreciate me and would miss me if I were to not show up. Of course, that could be also because they would have more work to do, but...yeah, whatever.

The cats are all fine. Orb's going to get a shave in a few days because she's matting up really badly again this year - she has good years and bad ones - this is a bad one.

Uhm, that's about it.
No kids.
All pets.
Work work work. is just tiring.
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
31 March 2010 @ 08:24 am
...if you're not on my FB or on YT - I'm not pregnant.

I'm upset, naturally.
But I'm not as upset as I could be. be honest? I knew it wouldn't work.

It kind of underlines that we're not meant to be parents, too.

And I know I know - please don't tell me "oh, but God has a plan!" or "don't give up!!" - spare me. Please. God has ignored me my entire life, so if there is such an entity, he doesn't give a shit about me. Never has, never will. So fuck God.

Giving up? Yes. We can't financially deal with doling out thousands of dollars again on what is a useless endeavor. This last time? Around $3,000.

Adoption? It is something we're considering. However, see that $3,000? Yeah, we don't have that and that's at least how much adoption is going to cost. We don't have it now and honestly? We probably never will. And if we DO spend that money? We'll probably be left childless at the end of that. Some stupid, pointless, shitty thing will probably be found "wrong" with us so we won't be allowed to adopt.

At this point I'm trying to just come to terms with Michael being the only good thing/person in my life and that since I have him, that's the only happiness I'm allowed. One thing per lifetime, I guess.
Current Mood: indifferentindifferent
20 March 2010 @ 06:17 am
Sitting on the couch - having been awake for over an hour and half. >.<
And that's not the fun part.
The fun part is this will probably become the new "normal" if our future is anything like I hope it is.

Need a refresher?

Mike and I started our fertility treatments about 2 weeks ago; this time opting for shots to make my body produce more eggs in one go. Long story short, I "ovulated beautifully" - 10 fully mature follicles appeared and were fertilized last Monday and Tuesday (well, the attempt was made, I should say). We find out on the 30th if any of them took.

So right now I'm sitting here thinking and thinking and thinking. My boobs are irritated, my butt is huge(r) and I'm feeling like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade float (b/c the shots stopped my period after 2 days so, in effect, I haven't had a period for more than a month and a half).

I'm also thinking of something that I want to put out there...I realize this opinion may not win friends or influence people, but I have to say it somewhere and since most of you won't respond anyway, at least I'll get it off my chest...

*cough*Collapse )
Current Mood: irritatedirritated
...and I won't have to go to work. :-P

I want to win the lotto.
I want to sleep forever.

And I realize those two goals are counter-productive.

It's not snowing here, amazingly.
But it MIGHT this weekend.

I need to cut my nails.
And go take a bath.
But not necessarily in that particular order.

I also need to shave.

My weekend starts when I get off of work tonight.
That I'm happy about.

Nothing planned for tomorrow.
I just needed a fecking BREAK.
Sad thing is that my work will probably be all fecked up on Monday morning. >.<

I wish people wouldn't act so shocked when I yell at them.
Or when I stand up for myself.

And people wonder why my brain is so screwed up.
I think about WAY too much.
Current Mood: random